Friday, March 2, 2012

Lesson of the Month

I don't understand why, and I am incredibly ashamed to say that I had a relapse today.  I reverted to the old me. 
I was unmotivated, sluggish, lazy, ate crap, burned 0 calories, and I can't seem to break out of it! I'm like a big depressed lump sitting here feeling sorry for myself.... I DON'T WANT THIS!! 
Time for a little soul searching to figure out #1 What the hell went wrong, #2 How do I stop it happening again tomorrow.
So What the hell happened?  Lets analyse the day...
Well yesterday was my daughters surgery, it was a very long day... We were up at 5am to get her there on time, and got home at 7pm.  I did really well, controlled my stress, walked it off when it got the better of me, and ate really well.  I thought I had won the battle with emotional eating.  
Last night I shared a bed with my daughter to help her get through the night, and give her alternate pain medications every 3 hours...
So today I was very tired... and I allowed Unhealthy me to use that as an excuse, I was stuck at home on a hot day with a kid who can't move around... and used that as an excuse, I bought her some treats... which I ate...probably to make myself feel better (reverting to emotional eating).... things went downhill very very fast.  I actually felt sad, useless, and depressed.
So ...did I eat crap and not exercise because I was depressed?  Or did I feel depressed because I ate crap and didn't exercise.
The Wagon that I fell off today!
What I do know is that the "ME" I was today, is NOT the "ME" I want to be. I am so much better than this. I will not let this one day destroy everything I have worked for over the past 7 months.  I let Unhealthy Me take the reins for a day, and look what she did!  I am pissed off that she used my daughters pain as an excuse to be lazy and pig out.   She didn't even drink any water today.... NOT GOOD!

I think maybe the lesson that I have learned today is that being a martyr and not looking after myself, for the ridiculous reason that I am looking after someone else, doesn't help anyone.  The reason that air hostesses say to fit your mask before helping others is exactly that!  If you cant function, you are no help to anyone. 
I can't function at my best without Sleep, Good Nutrition, and Exercise. 
And to think, I feel this crap after one day... I used to try and function like this everyday.  
Maybe also I need to recognise that I have been doing well, and seeing as Healthy Me and Unhealthy Me have to share the same body, She must have been doing well the majority of the time as well... Yet I have not rewarded her for the good work one little bit.  I am first to jump on her and berate her for not doing good, but I have not rewarded either of us for the good work we have done.  Rewards don't have to be big. A bubble bath, A movie, A new outfit... just something that makes me/her feel good, so that that feeling gets us through the tough times.

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