Wake Up ... and smell the coffee

So here I am feeling sorry for myself, because I think I have failed in this second round of 12WBT, and for those of you who know me, Failure is not something that I like to experience (well who does).  But you know what, a small fail here and there, does not mean that success is now out of the question.   

FALL DOWN 9 TIMES, GET UP 10

I went back to my Pre-Season task of 'Set your goals', and looked at what I wrote in that task about 10 weeks back ...  
I said at one month into the round i wanted to have achieved : A 10km run, to beat my 5km PB, and run under 35mins, and my weight to be 76kg.
I actually achieved all of those before schedule - (my weight is now 77kg, but I did achieve 76kg by the 4 week mark)... WAKE UP MANDY, THAT IS NOT FAILURE.


Right now I am definitely behind schedule to achieve my next lot of goals, my three month goals, but I can do it.... and If I don't, I will pick myself back up, dust myself off and keep going.


This journey is definitely a rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows,  successes and failures... but at the end of the ride I will be ecstatic that I did it.


I have done too much, and worked to hard to throw my hands in the air and say 'its too hard, I give up'.   I've done that before, and it doesn't work, I end up back at the start wishing I was where I am now... that is one huge waste of energy.  I just have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, forever.... there is no end, this is a journey to a new life, a new lifestyle, and when I get there the purpose is not to then stop and turn around, but to enjoy the view, and then start the journey to a new more exciting, dream fulfilling destination.

  
I have started this journey before, multiple times, and I always turned back when it got too hard, I have even got this far in the journey at least 3 times, and didn't make it to the end, I can't do it this time, I have to keep moving, I am running out of time.
This time is different though, I must admit. I was talking with Cass last night and we had a little lightbulb moment... the other times were diets, be it weightwatchers or similar, and exercise was the secondary focus. I would exercise to get bonus points etc, but I would never really like it.  

This time, with the 12WBT, I have learned to love exercise, I have changed into someone who has an active life, and the eating is the secondary focus.  I believe this is what will keep me going. If I slip on the eating, but I remain active, I will not relapse like previous efforts, and if I focus on the food as well... well the world is my oyster.

Crikey ... I haven't seen you in a while.

Well, Where have I been?  2 weeks of slience?
Honestly I have been hiding from you.  I have not been prepared to fess up to the total and utter relapse that has occurred.  Crikey, I hadn't seen her for a while ...but the old me is back, the old habits are back, the old lies and excuses and laziness, have snuck up behind me, ambushed me and left me dazed and confused. 
I knew it had happened, I pretended it hadn't by telling myself I'm just taking a break, but now at 6 weeks into my 2nd round of 12WBT I have not progressed any further towards my goal.  Although I am happy to say I have not put on weight, I haven't lost any either, and I have lost my way. 


I'm just sitting here listening to the bullshit I have been telling myself about why I have not done what I said I would. 


Its Winter, It's too cold, dark, wet to get up early to train
I've been too tired to plan, or record correctly 
I haven't had time to prepare healthy food
I've been stressed, so i've been emotional eating
I can't say no when there is all this food around, and it's a special occasion.
I've been sick, and chocolate makes me feels better.


Yep... heard it all before. 23 kilos ago.... so I ask myself this question...

So here I am... frantically searching for Motivation to get back up on my feet, and back on track, the track towards my own finish line. 


So Motivation .... where do you find it?  It's not in the pantry or the fridge (I looked, and while I was there.... *sigh*), and it's not falling on my lap while lying in bed or on the sofa, and believe it or not (and this is a shocker!) it's not on Facebook or Pinterest - although a lot of pages seem to be motivation, but just reading about it doesn't make it happen.


Being so far behind on my Michelle Bridges program, I decided that may be  the best place to start with Week 6's video messages...  and lo and behold this weeks mindset message is about... drum roll please...

I love how Michelle puts it, Motivation is a Crock of sh*t!


Motivation is like a Bad Boyfriend,...
NEVER there when you need it most!


The answer is to not wait for motivation to strike, the answer is to just do it, day in, day out.... CONSISTENCY.  This is what I have lost, and the only way to get that back is to JFDI. 

Here we go folks...