Saturday, March 31, 2012

Better late than never...

Well it's Saturday morning, and I haven't yet been accountable for the Weigh in on Wednesday.

My excuse is that I have been a bit to busy to sit down and type up a blog post, but I have now found the time so here it is.

Before I start, I would be irresponsible if I didn't reflect slightly before I revealed the stats... I mean my last post was all about how I had not coped, and ate bad things to help me get through a tough few days.  But I took Michelle's advice, and took all emotion out of it, and looked at the situation pragmatically, and realised that the 'blow out' that I was describing, while still not being ideal for the 12 week body transformation, was really nothing compared to what a 'Binge' or 'Pig out' would have been prior to starting this journey.  I simply can't eat the amount of or type of food that I used to eat.

There is a school of thought, that a small binge can actually help weight loss. Your body gets into a rhythm, with it's metabolism, and when you have a little binge, your body realises it needs to boost the metabolism to burn off that food.  I wasn't sure if I believed this, and I think it is dangerous to binge to try and make this happen, but it is ray of hope after you have overindulged.

Anyway, Wednesday morning scales read 81.6kg, a loss of 1kg!  
I was pretty damn happy with that, because I was scared I wouldn't lose anything, or worse still... gain!

That means that I have now officially lost:

  •  20kgs from my heaviest ever weight of 102kg (20% of body weight)
  • 18.3 kg since August 1st 2011 (18.32%)
  • 11.4kg since starting 12WBT preseason.(12.26%)
  • 6.5kg since Official day 1 of 12WBT (7.4% of body weight)
This also means that I am closer to reaching my goals.
  • 1.7 kg to get into the 70's (will also be 20kg since August)
  • 3.5 kg to 10kg lost on 12WBT
  • 9.1 kg to a Healthy BMI  - Which was my original goal.

The most exciting news (or nervewracking) is that tomorrow, I will be RUNNING in my first ever 5km run.  On monday I ran 4km, and felt quite comfortable so i fully believe I can do this. My Goal is to run the whole thing, without stopping, don't care about time, or placing... last is fine! I just want to prove to myself that I can do this.

Look out for a post tomorrow, so you know how I got on.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

When the going gets tough... I fall to pieces.

I really wish I could have said, when the going gets tough, the tough get going... because I thought that's what the NEW ME would have done... turns out I was wrong.

My family life, and routine was turned upside down this week, and I thought I was strong enough to handle it, but the week I have had just proves to me that the OLD ME is always just lurking in the background waiting for a weak moment to try and push her way back in.
My hubby had to go to hospital this week. He is chronically ill and unable to wok, so our normal routine is that he is the stay at home Dad, does the school run, does the housework, takes care of all the errands while I go out to work.  This is our routine and it works wonderfully. I have been lucky enough to be able to exercise and not have to worry about the kids, because he was there for them.
This week, it was all on me, and finding time to exercise was tough, I managed to still get in my Zumba class, but thats about it.  To be honest, I think I could have easily found time to do more exercise, but I used the 'situation' as an excuse... and I let myself get away with it!
But the worst bit of the week was the food I ate... why, why, why!!??!!  
Was it emotional? Was is because I didn't have my biggest supporter (my hubby) by my side to keep me on track, or was it because he wasn't here that I had a binge and thought no one would know? Was it because I was worried this would happen, that I did it anyway... self fulfilling prophecy?
It was all 4. And I am so disappointed in myself.
But I am now trying to take responsibility for that, stop the downward spiral in its tracks, and get back on the horse!

I'm going back to pre-season, going to revisit those tasks, and watch the video of promises I made. I'm not going to feel guilty, because this episode has taught me a lesson that I am still vulnerable, and even though the body is 2/3 of the way to where I want it to be, still have a lot of work to do on my head.

Friday, March 23, 2012


I think you all know by now that I love Zumba.
Tonight's class went off! I burned 612 calories in a 1 hour session.
Its great that I get to share this wonderful class with my awesome friends, Cass, Sandra, Lee and Kelly, plus I have met so many more wonderful ladies (and gents) in this class, that they are starting to feel like family.
Me with the Amazing Kassy!
I have had a hard, stressful, exhausting week, and 'Unhealthy Me' was trying to convince me to skip Zumba tonight, but I am so glad I went. I feel energised, and happy and strong enough to fight of 'Unhealthy Me's urges over the weekend. 
The girls came with me tonight, to watch, and Faith Video'd me on stage during a couple of routines.  I hope the ladies don't mind me sharing.
Thats me in the black, in front next to Kassy (the instructor) in the first video, and at the back (out of time...LOL) in the second video... with Cass in front. 

The Massive class is done in the High School Hall, and Kass invites a few people up on stage with her for each routine... only if you want to!
I still find it amazing that only 7 months ago, I forced myself to go to this Zumba class , on my own, obese, with no confidence or self love, and now 17kgs lighter, I am up on stage in front of the class, Rocking It, and loving every second!! Whoop Whoop!
That day, the day of my first Zumba class is the day I count as Day one of this journey... Zumba, and Zumba Kass... You literally saved my life.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Weigh in, Weaknesses and Worries.

Ok first things first, Wednesday = Weigh in. 
Today I weighed 82.6kg, down 900g from last week. 
So that means 17.3kg lost since I started 'trying' to get healthy, which is a loss of 17.32% off my original body weight.
So with my original goal being to get to a Healthy BMI range (72kg or under/28%) I'm just over 10kg away from that! That seems achievable now.
That's another little mini goal ticked off my list, and only 600g until the next one.  
Only 2.7kgs until the seventies and wait for it... 1 and a half weeks until I run a 5km fun run! 

 I am quite happy with a loss of 900g considering I have not been very disciplined this week.  A few indulgences during the week, and not recording my calories in and out properly means I know I could do better if I focus properly. I need to get back to basics and plan properly, record properly, because then if the numbers are right... then I will have a better result.  I am however happy that for the past two weeks I have pretty much just been living my 'new lifestyle' not calorie counting / dieting so I feel confident that I will be able to maintain this once I get to goal.
Well, this is where I am hoping I have learned some lessons. I am about to have a really tough week, full of guilt and stress and emotions that I would normally eat my way through... I am hoping that I am strong enough.
My husband has a Chronic Lung disease and an immune deficiency, and has to go into hospital again this week for what the Doctor calls a 'tune up'.
Although it's not a critical situation, his long term prognosis is serious and when he needs to go to hospital it always reminds us of that fact.
So not only are we dealing with those emotions, I will basically be a solo parent again for the next week. Working full-time, organising kids with school pick up and after school care, trying to fit in everything I ordinarily do plus fitting in hospital visits and the housework & errands that my husband normally does. With the help of a caring and flexible workplace who is allowing me to amend my work day slightly to get home to the kids a bit earlier, and a wonderful friend who offered to do school pick up so I don't have to pay after school care.... I think I will muddle through.  I am a bit worried that my exercise regime will suffer, I won't be able to walk to work, and I worry that I will just feel too exhausted to do it, but I am determined not to let me derail myself this time. 
I think my major concern is that I will feel pressed for time, and succumb to the lure of a drive through or my loneliness without my hubby will weaken my resolve to saying NO that choccy bar at the servo.

Anyway, time to go and get hubby settled into the Ward. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Changing room tears

I think over the years there have been countless times when I was in a clothing store fitting room and wanted to cry...Cry because it didn't fit, or Cry because it did but I looked like a whale or an unfashionable pensioner. 
Today I stood in a changing room and I cried... I cried because everything I took into that little room fit me, and looked good, and was not off the 'plus size' rack. Today I cried tears of joy.

I decided that today was the day to go shopping because I was seriously struggling to find things to wear everyday for work.   I am so grateful that for the past month I have been getting by on some hand-me-downs from Mel & Cass, and thank goodness for them because all my old clothes are just too big now.

 My budget wouldn't allow me to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe, and because I don't intend on staying this size for long (just passing through) I decided that the Op shop was a good place to start.

Some of the clothes Cass had given me were a size 14 and I was fitting them comfortably, so I choose 6 items to try on, all the while my mind was telling me that I was a fraud, and 'who do I think I am trying a size 14?' ....My mind keep making me glance back at the 16-18's and tried to tell me that I should be shopping there.
All of the items fit! 2 tops weren't flattering, but the rest were really nice, so I left the store with 4 new (secondhand/vintage) items for $27.  I could no longer deny it.... I AM A SIZE 14.
Some of my new wardrobe, and bargains.

Later we went to Westfield and I was on a mission for a few household items, but I found myself browsing a few racks, and I had to keep reminding myself that I can now look in shops like Valley Girl & Ally, because I am a size 14.  Last time I looked in these stores, I was looking for things for my daughter because I had no hope of anything fitting me.

This is going to cause problems... I 'thought' I didn't really enjoy clothes shopping, but it turns out that I just didn't enjoy not finding anything when I tried.... and now, I'm feeling excitement about shopping again. 
My husband is probably shaking in his boots now! 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Weigh in Wednesday

Just weighed in 83.5kg.
That is a loss of 900g this week, 

16.4kg gone since August 2011
9.5kg since Preseason Started.
4.6kg gone in 12WBT (we are now in week 5)

500g until next mini goal of losing 10kg on the 12WBT.
1.5kg away from having lost 20kg from my heaviest ever weight of 102kg
3.6kg away from the 70's.

Really gonna try to amp it up this week, Got a saturday morning mission planned to walk Burleigh Hill!

Sunday, March 11, 2012


No wonder Michelle calls this a 12 week body transformation and not just a challenge. 
Everything is Transforming...  I am  accomplishing more than I ever knew I could. 

As much as I knew i had lost 15.5kg since August... I couldn't really 'see' it... until I did the photo comparison.

I posted the top pic on the 12WBT Newbies Facebook page and the response I got absolutely blew my mind.  To have other ladies cite me as an inspiration brought me to tears.... I can't believe they are talking about me.
I hope you ladies don't mind me sharing your words.


Push Ups (Knees) = 55 in a minute, 24 more than last time (although now I can do some on my toes so I am doing it again later adding them in too)
Sit Reach = 6 cm more, from -5 last time to +1
Abdominal strength = from level 2 to level 3 
Time Trial = 6 41s, 1:21 faster, and discovered what my husband told me was 1 km was actually 1.23km (thanks Runkeeper, I can trust you) but I will keep this route for the rest of the tests as well.
Wall Sit = only 30 sec, 8 sec shorter.... hmmm last time I didn't do it straight after my run. Might try again later.
Very happy with the run result.
Screenshot from the 12WBT page

Overcoming fears, and doing things I never thought I would. Not only doing it, but LOVING it!

Surfing Lesson Complete 11/03/2012

Friday, March 9, 2012

A love story

I have never been good at accepting compliments, but you know what, this 12WBT is forcing me to learn. I have NEVER had so many compliments as I have in the last two days.
In the past 2 days, literally more than 10 people stopped me and said "Wow, you look amazing..What are you doing?" or "I didn't recognise you, you look incredible"... or "OMG, you've shrunk".... or "You have lost so much weight, you look great".... but my absolute favourite was a lady at work today, who quietly took me aside and said " What have you done? I mean you look 10 years younger, have you had surgery or something?" ... No I've lost 15kg and got my life back.

I'm only halfway to goal , but my life is wonderful. My mental resolve is strong, I'm fitter, and enjoying exercise, I'm not missing bad food, I feel happy, sexy, ... I have fallen back in love with life. 
About to embark on week 5, I have already achieved more than I dreamed off when I signed up (because back then I really didn't believe I would do it) .
I'm becoming a runner, and I'm liking it. I'm eating well, and enjoying it, I'm embracing life and finally living it!

Thank you Michelle Bridges. Thank you.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Weigh in Wednesday

Short and Sweet today...progress report and a few lyrics.
Weighed in a 84.4kg
Lost 15.5kg since August, 8.6kg since Preseason, 3.7kg since start.
have lost 18.5cm since start of 12WBT
Reduced my BMI by 2.9 since August

Have to also redo my fitness test to see how much I have improved on that as well.

During my morning walk I was listening to these lyrics, and I thought they were perfect to share...

Livin' with my eyes closed, 
goin' day to day
I never knew the difference,
I never cared either way
Lookin' for a reason,
searchin' for a sign
Reachin' out with both hands,
I gotta feel the kick inside

Ain't nobody livin',
in a perfect world
Everybody's out there,
cryin' to be heard
Now I got a new fire,
burnin' in my eyes
Lightin' up the darkness,
movin' like a meteorite

All Fired Up
Now I believe there comes a time
All Fired Up
When everything just falls in line
All Fired Up
We live an' learn from our mistakes
All Fired Up, 
The deepest cuts are healed by faith

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Comfort Zone

So it is time to dig down into the depths of my soul and turn over a new leaf... and in honour of this month of March, I'll be turning over a new Autumn leaf.

I can do it
I will push past my barriers
I will step outside my comfort zone
I don't need motivation, I will Just Do It

Comfort / Comfortable ... definition?  Providing physical ease and relaxation. Well physical ease is not going get me to my goal weight, and it's sure as hell not going to help me run in the GCMarathon later in the year.  
Barrier ... obstacle that prevents movement or access. Well there are no actual barriers, only ones I have put up with my own mind.
Motivation...  The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.  I have that desire but I have learned from Michelle Bridges that Motivation in a crock of shit (excuse my language).   Motivation is great when you've got it, but when you haven't, not having it is an easy to use excuse... "i'm just not motivated".  
I have figured it out. It's up to me. There is no magic wand. I either do it or I don't. If I want it, I gotta do it. Simple. 

So ... Going outside my comfort zone means

  • Running past the point when it hurts
  • Feeling the fear and doing it anyway
  • Trying things I have never tried before
  • Saying Yes to new opportunities, rather than staying put
  • Taking risks and facing my fears
  • be adventurous, rather than safe
  • Taking on challenges
Without planning it this way, I have already started doing this. Probably a logical by-product of my transforming body, and my transforming mindset (law of attraction), I have recently applied for an internal promotion and I got the job! It means leaving the security of the job I have been doing for 2 years, and am now really comfortable with, to take on a completely different focus.  I know I can do it, but there are certain aspects of the job that are daunting.  It means having to be more vocal at meetings, and dealing with confrontation on occasion (which does scare the crap out of me) but I know I can do it when I have to, so I will. 

Even going to my Zumba class all those months ago was 'uncomfortable' going by myself, but I sucked it up and went, and have met so many wonderful ladies at the class now, and was definitely rewarded for that act of courage.  At tonight's class, when I was on stage shaking it with the instructor for 4 routines, I thought to myself "Can you even believe this! You... on stage... dancing in front of a room full of people! Look how far you have come". Seriously a year ago that was so far out of the realm of possibility of being anywhere near the edge of my comfort zone.

Geez even spilling all in my blog was out of my comfort zone, this whole 12 week challenge was out of my comfort zone, and I have found that once you test those boundaries, and step outside... it doesn't take long for these new things to become comfortable and the comfort zone expands, so you constantly need to be looking for new challenges and goals. 

This weekend coming I will be stepping out of my comfort zone again.
I'm going surfing!  
Our social club is doing a learn to surf lesson, and seeing as I have already paid for it with my $2 a week, I might as well do it.  However I RSVP'd weeks ago, with this thing in my mind that something would come up to stop (save) me... Isabella's surgery, Joe's training... blah blah blah. It was supposed to be last Saturday but it was rained off, so its now on this Sunday and there is not a single reason why I can't do it.
I don't know why I'm scared... Is it water? I don't particularly like waves at the beach, as I feel 'out of control' in the ocean.  Is it because I think I will fail, and look stupid? is it purely because I don't want my workmates to see me in my swimwear? (Gotta say, a lot happier about this now than I would have been 9 months ago).  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what causes the anxiety, what's important is overcoming it!
Hopefully I will be able to get a pic to post here to prove to you all that I did it! I am actually becoming excited, rather than apprehensive.. and I can't quite believe it. 

12WBT Weigh in tomorrow, so I will post again tomorrow with my stats.
See you then. 

Friday, March 2, 2012

Lesson of the Month

I don't understand why, and I am incredibly ashamed to say that I had a relapse today.  I reverted to the old me. 
I was unmotivated, sluggish, lazy, ate crap, burned 0 calories, and I can't seem to break out of it! I'm like a big depressed lump sitting here feeling sorry for myself.... I DON'T WANT THIS!! 
Time for a little soul searching to figure out #1 What the hell went wrong, #2 How do I stop it happening again tomorrow.
So What the hell happened?  Lets analyse the day...
Well yesterday was my daughters surgery, it was a very long day... We were up at 5am to get her there on time, and got home at 7pm.  I did really well, controlled my stress, walked it off when it got the better of me, and ate really well.  I thought I had won the battle with emotional eating.  
Last night I shared a bed with my daughter to help her get through the night, and give her alternate pain medications every 3 hours...
So today I was very tired... and I allowed Unhealthy me to use that as an excuse, I was stuck at home on a hot day with a kid who can't move around... and used that as an excuse, I bought her some treats... which I ate...probably to make myself feel better (reverting to emotional eating).... things went downhill very very fast.  I actually felt sad, useless, and depressed.
So ...did I eat crap and not exercise because I was depressed?  Or did I feel depressed because I ate crap and didn't exercise.
The Wagon that I fell off today!
What I do know is that the "ME" I was today, is NOT the "ME" I want to be. I am so much better than this. I will not let this one day destroy everything I have worked for over the past 7 months.  I let Unhealthy Me take the reins for a day, and look what she did!  I am pissed off that she used my daughters pain as an excuse to be lazy and pig out.   She didn't even drink any water today.... NOT GOOD!

I think maybe the lesson that I have learned today is that being a martyr and not looking after myself, for the ridiculous reason that I am looking after someone else, doesn't help anyone.  The reason that air hostesses say to fit your mask before helping others is exactly that!  If you cant function, you are no help to anyone. 
I can't function at my best without Sleep, Good Nutrition, and Exercise. 
And to think, I feel this crap after one day... I used to try and function like this everyday.  
Maybe also I need to recognise that I have been doing well, and seeing as Healthy Me and Unhealthy Me have to share the same body, She must have been doing well the majority of the time as well... Yet I have not rewarded her for the good work one little bit.  I am first to jump on her and berate her for not doing good, but I have not rewarded either of us for the good work we have done.  Rewards don't have to be big. A bubble bath, A movie, A new outfit... just something that makes me/her feel good, so that that feeling gets us through the tough times.