Sunday, August 19, 2012

Courage, Dreams and Destiny

This post might also be called "My Ramblings" and I apologise in advance, but I had something to get off my chest.

I believe we all have a purpose in life, the reason we're here, the Universe's design for us.  I also believe that as a soul, WE decide on our quest. Before we come to this earth we chose the theme our life will take, this time, last time, next time, every time.
When we arrive here, we are a-new, we've forgotten 'the plan', and it is our purpose in life to find it again. 
Depending on how advanced our soul is, the plan can be simple, or it can be multi-faceted, complex and testing. 
While we search for our plan - our destiny - we can feel lost and unfulfilled, with a knowing that there is more to this life. We could have a yearning, a dream, that we know in our heart and soul that THIS is what I am meant to be.  Problem is many of us get to middle age (Yes I am talking about myself now) and have not followed the plan. We have wandered aimlessly, we have not committed, we have wasted opportunities. We feel like we've been robbed, like somehow we've missed out, and it's too late to ever get there.
I believe I know what my plan is, and despite 'knowing' for a very long time, I am yet to arrive at that destiny. I have blamed circumstances, I have always put others needs before my own, I have always procrastinated, and I have always remained a dreamer. 

I have asked myself this question many, many times, and what it comes down to is ......
Despite the 'Fearless' in the title of my blog (this was named at the start of the mid-life crisis), I have always been the kind of person who didn't want to try something new unless I already knew that I could do it - Afraid of Failure, Afraid of trying.

Case in point: When I was a kid we were on a visit with friends on a farm. My parents wanted me to try to ride a kids motorbike with the other kids. I didn't think I could do it, the machine seemed unpredictable, I was scared of falling, or being hurt, or not being able to control it.  So I used every trick in the book to avoid it, to convince everybody that #1 I didn't want to #2 I wasn't interested #3 I didn't mind not being part of the fun - so I sat there on the sidelines, staunch, and watched everyone else have the time of their lives. What a fool.

Just last week at work we had some Leadership training, and one of our Senior Vice Presidents came to speak to our group.  He spoke about the qualities he thought made a good leader. Among the List... was Courage, and it started this train of thought.

I'm not sure if I ever want to be a leader at work, but in my personal life, as a role model to my kids, and to lead myself to success, I need to find that same courage.
He spoke candidly about his life, growing up as a privileged white kid in South Africa, not understanding or realising apartheid existed. When he reached university, and began to see his country and it's politics for what it was, he realised that could no longer accept it. Eventually he packed up his wife and new baby, left a very good career, and moved to another country. He was down to $50 in the bank before he landed a job in Canada, and it was a really scary time. He was courageous. He took a leap of faith and he looked fear in the face and did what felt right in his heart. 
I related with his story. 
We also had the courage to pack up a young family and move across and ocean, and start again. Like him, we had pretty strong motivation to leave certain elements of our lives behind, but that doesn't make it any less scary to leave behind the stability of a home, jobs and family support. We had the courage to do that, and survived. 

More recently, I have had the courage to leave a job that I had been comfortable doing for years, but had come to feel bored and unfulfilled, and to try something new.  6 months in, I have realised that this is definitely NOT the direction I want to be going, but it has made me focus on what I do want, what my strengths are, and what feels right.  It may be a while before I can move in that direction but at least I am now facing the right way. If I had stayed where I was, I might not ever have known. 

On a smaller scale I have had the courage to try things new, Zumba, 10km runs.... both things that I couldn't do when I started, and that required courage, and now achieved... and check out the countdown for 'The Stampede'.

So I need to reassess what else I have been putting off, and what I might now have courage to do, what is that is holding me back from achieving my dreams.

Speaking of dreams, I had an interesting dream last night. I was in a highrise in Surfers Paradise with my husband, and Cass and John.  We were on the 6th floor, and watching out the window when we could see a Tsunami coming. We held on tight as the wall of water hit the building, but we were safe on our floor... but it was really scary. After the water went down, we ran through the streets trying to get to our children which we knew were on higher ground elsewhere. We ran towards the local RSL or Surf Club, and I turned to look around and lost sight of the others. I was alone. I found the side entrance to the club but the steps where in a spiral, and the steps were too small for my feet, and I kept slipping off. I could not climb the steps no matter how I tried. 
I wasn't distressed, just frustrated.

Weirdly,  My husband also had a dream last night involving stairs. He knew our girls were in trouble, and was trying to get to them, but he couldn't get down the stairs. The stairs were never ending, and he was getting distressed.

Interesting huh?

Having a look at the Dream Dictionary, it's intriguing. Basically, Tidal waves often appear in our dreams when are under a lot of pressure or when significant change is occurring.  If your dream contains a set of stairs then this indicates that you are starting to move towards some clear goals.To see spiral or winding stairs signify growth and/or rebirth.... Interesting how I couldn't climb them. 
Six (6th floor) is indicative of cooperation, balance, tranquility, perfection, warmth, union, marriage, family, and love. Your mental, emotional, and spiritual states are in harmony.

Gives me hope, and courage. 

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