Today's post is a dedication more than anything else.
A personal blog post, that I am willing to open up and share.
23 years ago today I was 17, and numb.
I had been told that my 19 year old boyfriend had been killed in a car accident, only hours after dropping me home. 3am on Saturday 16th September 1989. The crash claimed 2 best friends, and seriously injured 2 more, and the lives of many were changed forever.
After the initial shock, when the numbness wore off and the pain set in, and after the funeral, I shut down - emotionally. I didn't know how to cope, and I almost checked out myself to try to escape the pain.
When everyone else appeared to carry on with life, I was walking around with a big hole inside, and I see now that I tried to fill that hole with food.
As painful as that was, for many, many years, I now see how that losing Rob, and finding ways to survive, led me to spirituality, opened my soul up bare and raw, and molded me into the person I am today.
So after 23 years I have learned to be grateful for that experience, bizarrely grateful for losing him. Because, you know what, I now know that I can survive. There are other things I have survived, and no doubt more that I will in the future, but today on the Anniversary, I am grateful for having known him, having loved him, and having lost him.
For years, September 16th made me cry, and now it makes me smile, I never ever thought I would say that, and be at peace with it.
|a few weeks before the crash|
To Rob's family, wherever you are, I'm thinking of you