Accountable

So I have to show you how I am I doing on my small changes that I blogged about a few days ago.

Yesterday and today I have had a good nutritious breakfast BEFORE leaving for work.  I have drunk 3 litres of water a day (... and needed to pee every hour!!) and I went for a run yesterday morning! - Here comes the accountable bit ... I DIDN'T run this morning.. in my defense... oh alright!... my pathetic excuse was that I had a really bad nights sleep.
HOWEVER in addition to that I did do a 2 hour Kickboxing class last night, including 50.. YES 50! throw downs (in a row without stopping, but including a excruciating cry of pain during the last 3).

I have also been 'swapping' the lift for the stairs at work. 6 flights, and it doesn't matter how often I do it, the first three flights are "pfft, easy", and the burn starts on the transition between 3 and 4, and by the 6th I'm dying.

A Healthy Lunch

2 of these a day!

The stairs to my office

I recorded a little message while running ... If you can't understand me it's cos I was whispering so the other walkers didn't think I was talking to myself! LOL.  I said "I'm up, I'm running, I'm doing it" , "Check out this beautiful view" and "See ya"

Heading out to Park Run in the morning, knowing that my personal best time is not at risk of being set, but I'm going to do the best I can. Also planning a trip to the farmers market on Sunday, and some bulk cooking to prep some healthy meals for the week ahead. 

As of this morning I weighed 80.4.... SOOOOOO NOT impressed to see that 8 again.  Weigh in Wednesday, lets see if I can get that 7 back.

Also found a link on Facebook today, that intrigues scares the hell out of me... 

What do you think?? 

Oh and we signed up to do it again...jump through fire, crawl through mud etc

All going well, I will have some time to blog again tomorrow!  See you then.

Weigh In

Even though it's Thursday ... and Weigh in is on Wednesday... Today I weigh .... 76.3kg!
That is 2 kgs down from my start weight of this round.
I realised it had been a while since I posted my graph.

I am less than 4 kgs away from my original goal of 72.5 (Healthy BMI), which originally seemed so far away.
As I go closer to this, I reassessed the goal down to 70kg, then to 68kg. They are now really within reach and I am still quite stunned. 
There are not many mini goals on my list left to achieve now....

There are mixed results amongst my friends doing the challenge as well.  One of my dear friends sent me her results yesterday "Only 500g down" she said... ONLY! ONLY 500g! There are some 12WBTers who gained, some who lost 100g, some who lost 2.1kg last week.  One thing I have learned on this journey is to celebrate every loss, even the small ones, because its heading in the right direction. If its a gain... it's happened, there is no point freaking out. Calmly reassess the week, look at what you did (or didn't do) that contributed to the result, Own it, and work harder this week. 

Found this little pic to keep in mind, next time you 'only' lose 500g (1.1lb).

2 and a half weeks to go... 4 weeks until Party!

Well Well Well, I have been quiet on here... combination of starting a new job and being so exhausted, and trying to load a video last week, and getting errors so I gave up... But I'm back and raring to go, because Today was weigh-in, and I weighed in at 80kg on the dot.
The scales teased me by flashing up at 79.9 for a split second before settling on 80, but considering my week had not been perfect, I was very happy with the 800g loss.
And now... I am thrilled. I just got home and had an email from Mish, saying I was in the top 15% of the people on the 12WBT program (round 1).... need I say I was shocked, stocked and extremely happy.

We are currently on week 10, so for those of you who are good at maths, that would mean 2 weeks until the end of the 12 week challenge, so the question is.. Am I going to reach my 12 week goal of 10kg lost?


Currently sitting at 8.1kg lost on the program... meaning I have 1.9 to go to reach this goal!  Surely I can manage this.... I have on average lost between 700g and 1kg each week (except for the flatline) so I can do this if I put my mind to it.

Now onto other matters, or calendar events!  10 days until my next fun run! 5kms again...my plan is to get enough practise doing 5km runs that they 'start' to feel comfortable and then  I can slowly move up to the 8km Mothers day classic, before the 10km in the Gold Coast Marathon... remember when this was just a pipe dream? "marathon-effort"

http://www.gcbfunrun.com.au/

and on Thursday May 17, I'm gonna jump on a plane and fly to Melbourne, to meet up with one of my Best Friends (and cousin) Melissa, and we are spending 3 nights together!  On the Saturday we will be attending the Group Workout with Michelle Bridges in the centre of Melbourne, and Saturday night attending the Finale Party where we will 'Sparkle' and find out all the winners from Round 1 2012!

Thursday and Friday will be well spent on Sightseeing and Shopping, so I don't think we will be bored.

Melissa and I haven't seen each other since January, when she and her family came to the Gold Coast for a Holiday.  She is flying into Melbourne from New Zealand so this is a much bigger effort for her to get there and I am so grateful that she is making that effort so we can share this big celebration together!

This is Me and Melissa, in January... can't wait to take an 'after' photo.

Mel and I, with our 12WBT inspiration, Cass (also taken in January)

Also joining us in Melbourne will be Cass! Cass did last round of the 12WBT, and watching her shrink before our eyes was the catalyst for Melissa and I joining the challenge in the first place.  Cass is a lot further along in her journey, at the last few kilos/Maintenance stage, so she is still a real inspiration.

So here we go ... Home Stretch!

Better late than never...

Well it's Saturday morning, and I haven't yet been accountable for the Weigh in on Wednesday.


My excuse is that I have been a bit to busy to sit down and type up a blog post, but I have now found the time so here it is.


Before I start, I would be irresponsible if I didn't reflect slightly before I revealed the stats... I mean my last post was all about how I had not coped, and ate bad things to help me get through a tough few days.  But I took Michelle's advice, and took all emotion out of it, and looked at the situation pragmatically, and realised that the 'blow out' that I was describing, while still not being ideal for the 12 week body transformation, was really nothing compared to what a 'Binge' or 'Pig out' would have been prior to starting this journey.  I simply can't eat the amount of or type of food that I used to eat.

There is a school of thought, that a small binge can actually help weight loss. Your body gets into a rhythm, with it's metabolism, and when you have a little binge, your body realises it needs to boost the metabolism to burn off that food.  I wasn't sure if I believed this, and I think it is dangerous to binge to try and make this happen, but it is ray of hope after you have overindulged.


Anyway, Wednesday morning scales read 81.6kg, a loss of 1kg!  
I was pretty damn happy with that, because I was scared I wouldn't lose anything, or worse still... gain!


That means that I have now officially lost:

•  20kgs from my heaviest ever weight of 102kg (20% of body weight)
• 18.3 kg since August 1st 2011 (18.32%)
• 11.4kg since starting 12WBT preseason.(12.26%)
• 6.5kg since Official day 1 of 12WBT (7.4% of body weight)

This also means that I am closer to reaching my goals.

• 1.7 kg to get into the 70's (will also be 20kg since August)
• 3.5 kg to 10kg lost on 12WBT
• 9.1 kg to a Healthy BMI  - Which was my original goal.

The most exciting news (or nervewracking) is that tomorrow, I will be RUNNING in my first ever 5km run.  On monday I ran 4km, and felt quite comfortable so i fully believe I can do this. My Goal is to run the whole thing, without stopping, don't care about time, or placing... last is fine! I just want to prove to myself that I can do this.


Look out for a post tomorrow, so you know how I got on.

Weigh in, Weaknesses and Worries.

Ok first things first, Wednesday = Weigh in. 
Today I weighed 82.6kg, down 900g from last week. 
So that means 17.3kg lost since I started 'trying' to get healthy, which is a loss of 17.32% off my original body weight.
So with my original goal being to get to a Healthy BMI range (72kg or under/28%) I'm just over 10kg away from that! That seems achievable now.

That's another little mini goal ticked off my list, and only 600g until the next one.  

Only 2.7kgs until the seventies and wait for it... 1 and a half weeks until I run a 5km fun run! 

WEAKNESSES
 I am quite happy with a loss of 900g considering I have not been very disciplined this week.  A few indulgences during the week, and not recording my calories in and out properly means I know I could do better if I focus properly. I need to get back to basics and plan properly, record properly, because then if the numbers are right... then I will have a better result.  I am however happy that for the past two weeks I have pretty much just been living my 'new lifestyle' not calorie counting / dieting so I feel confident that I will be able to maintain this once I get to goal.
WORRIES
Well, this is where I am hoping I have learned some lessons. I am about to have a really tough week, full of guilt and stress and emotions that I would normally eat my way through... I am hoping that I am strong enough.
My husband has a Chronic Lung disease and an immune deficiency, and has to go into hospital again this week for what the Doctor calls a 'tune up'.
Although it's not a critical situation, his long term prognosis is serious and when he needs to go to hospital it always reminds us of that fact.
So not only are we dealing with those emotions, I will basically be a solo parent again for the next week. Working full-time, organising kids with school pick up and after school care, trying to fit in everything I ordinarily do plus fitting in hospital visits and the housework & errands that my husband normally does. With the help of a caring and flexible workplace who is allowing me to amend my work day slightly to get home to the kids a bit earlier, and a wonderful friend who offered to do school pick up so I don't have to pay after school care.... I think I will muddle through.  I am a bit worried that my exercise regime will suffer, I won't be able to walk to work, and I worry that I will just feel too exhausted to do it, but I am determined not to let me derail myself this time. 
I think my major concern is that I will feel pressed for time, and succumb to the lure of a drive through or my loneliness without my hubby will weaken my resolve to saying NO that choccy bar at the servo.


Anyway, time to go and get hubby settled into the Ward. 

Weigh in Wednesday

Just weighed in 83.5kg.

That is a loss of 900g this week, 

16.4kg gone since August 2011

9.5kg since Preseason Started.

4.6kg gone in 12WBT (we are now in week 5)

500g until next mini goal of losing 10kg on the 12WBT.

1.5kg away from having lost 20kg from my heaviest ever weight of 102kg

3.6kg away from the 70's.

Really gonna try to amp it up this week, Got a saturday morning mission planned to walk Burleigh Hill!

Weigh in Wednesday

Short and Sweet today...progress report and a few lyrics.
Weighed in a 84.4kg
Lost 15.5kg since August, 8.6kg since Preseason, 3.7kg since start.
have lost 18.5cm since start of 12WBT
Reduced my BMI by 2.9 since August

Have to also redo my fitness test to see how much I have improved on that as well.

During my morning walk I was listening to these lyrics, and I thought they were perfect to share...

Livin' with my eyes closed, 

goin' day to day

I never knew the difference,

I never cared either way

Lookin' for a reason,

searchin' for a sign

Reachin' out with both hands,

I gotta feel the kick inside

Ain't nobody livin',

in a perfect world

Everybody's out there,

cryin' to be heard

Now I got a new fire,

burnin' in my eyes

Lightin' up the darkness,

movin' like a meteorite

All Fired Up

Now I believe there comes a time

All Fired Up

When everything just falls in line

All Fired Up

We live an' learn from our mistakes

All Fired Up, 

The deepest cuts are healed by faith

Comfort Zone

So it is time to dig down into the depths of my soul and turn over a new leaf... and in honour of this month of March, I'll be turning over a new Autumn leaf.

MARCH MANTRA

I can do it

I will push past my barriers

I will step outside my comfort zone

I don't need motivation, I will Just Do It

Comfort / Comfortable ... definition?  Providing physical ease and relaxation. Well physical ease is not going get me to my goal weight, and it's sure as hell not going to help me run in the GCMarathon later in the year.  

Barrier ... obstacle that prevents movement or access. Well there are no actual barriers, only ones I have put up with my own mind.

Motivation...  The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.  I have that desire but I have learned from Michelle Bridges that Motivation in a crock of shit (excuse my language).   Motivation is great when you've got it, but when you haven't, not having it is an easy to use excuse... "i'm just not motivated".  
I have figured it out. It's up to me. There is no magic wand. I either do it or I don't. If I want it, I gotta do it. Simple. 

So ... Going outside my comfort zone means

• Running past the point when it hurts
• Feeling the fear and doing it anyway
• Trying things I have never tried before
• Saying Yes to new opportunities, rather than staying put
• Taking risks and facing my fears
• be adventurous, rather than safe
• Taking on challenges

Without planning it this way, I have already started doing this. Probably a logical by-product of my transforming body, and my transforming mindset (law of attraction), I have recently applied for an internal promotion and I got the job! It means leaving the security of the job I have been doing for 2 years, and am now really comfortable with, to take on a completely different focus.  I know I can do it, but there are certain aspects of the job that are daunting.  It means having to be more vocal at meetings, and dealing with confrontation on occasion (which does scare the crap out of me) but I know I can do it when I have to, so I will. 

Even going to my Zumba class all those months ago was 'uncomfortable' going by myself, but I sucked it up and went, and have met so many wonderful ladies at the class now, and was definitely rewarded for that act of courage.  At tonight's class, when I was on stage shaking it with the instructor for 4 routines, I thought to myself "Can you even believe this! You... on stage... dancing in front of a room full of people! Look how far you have come". Seriously a year ago that was so far out of the realm of possibility of being anywhere near the edge of my comfort zone.

Geez even spilling all in my blog was out of my comfort zone, this whole 12 week challenge was out of my comfort zone, and I have found that once you test those boundaries, and step outside... it doesn't take long for these new things to become comfortable and the comfort zone expands, so you constantly need to be looking for new challenges and goals. 

This weekend coming I will be stepping out of my comfort zone again.

I'm going surfing!  

Our social club is doing a learn to surf lesson, and seeing as I have already paid for it with my $2 a week, I might as well do it.  However I RSVP'd weeks ago, with this thing in my mind that something would come up to stop (save) me... Isabella's surgery, Joe's training... blah blah blah. It was supposed to be last Saturday but it was rained off, so its now on this Sunday and there is not a single reason why I can't do it.

I don't know why I'm scared... Is it water? I don't particularly like waves at the beach, as I feel 'out of control' in the ocean.  Is it because I think I will fail, and look stupid? is it purely because I don't want my workmates to see me in my swimwear? (Gotta say, a lot happier about this now than I would have been 9 months ago).  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what causes the anxiety, what's important is overcoming it!

Hopefully I will be able to get a pic to post here to prove to you all that I did it! I am actually becoming excited, rather than apprehensive.. and I can't quite believe it. 

12WBT Weigh in tomorrow, so I will post again tomorrow with my stats.

See you then. 

Leap Day Weigh in

Well after a imperfect week, I had a decent result on the scales this morning....
85.4kg... a loss of 1.1 this week.


Interesting week... some minor diet indiscretions, some big fitness wins (1220 cals burned yesterday!), and some big things happening in life in general.
Got through my daughters birthday party at McDonalds on Sunday, guilt free!
Got offered and accepted a new job at work, which is a big change for me, but I figured nothing ventured nothing gained.


Today is leap day, and thank goodness because I needed the extra day in the month to complete February's 100km challenge (to walk run 100km over Feb).... I am sitting at 98.5km for the month, so need to knock off 1.5 kms today.

My youngest daughter is having surgery tomorrow, so I will be spending all day at the hospital.  A real red flag day , because #1 I worry, and eat when I am stressed, #2 I'm sitting around a hospital all day, and popping to the cafe is something to do,  #3 the options at this hospital's cafe are not the best.   So I need to be very prepared and very strong tomorrow.


Week 3 of the challenge, Michelle says it's traditionally the hardest week, and I'd have to say I struggled with the mental battle this week. I'm tired and did put a few bad things in my mouth this week, so I can see what she means.


On a side note though, I have booked flights to Melbourne to attend the May 19 12WBT Finale with Michelle.  Cass, and Mel are coming too.  It gives a  greatt goal to focus on, and will be the ultimate reward for all the hard work.

The Danger Zone...

I have reached that point in my weight loss... my danger zone, I have been here before... its when I have lost about 13 kg, when I get to 86-88kg, .... i seem to derail myself and fall off the wagon.

A small fall off the wagon isn't the end of the world, but it is a major problem if you dont get back on at all.

You see back in 2004ish. I lost 13 kgs on weight-watchers, I actually got down to 75 kg, and I put it all back on...and then some. 

Then again in 2006/7 I lost 13 kg, and it slowly crept back on.

Right now I have lost 13.4kg, and whether it's rational or not, I'm worried that I am going to repeat this behaviour.

I'm trying to figure out if I self sabotage, or I just get lazy and take my foot of pedal when it starts to get harder.  Is it because so many people are saying how good I look, I'm into size 14 clothing, I like what I see in the mirror a lot more... that 'Unhealthy Me' says, "Yeah thats enough, now we can relax". She came with me, without putting up to much of a fight to get to this stage... you know, we've done this before, but now we get to this stage of having to cross this psychological barrier to keep going, and she's freaking out... "You mean, we have to keep going?" 

Truth is...I HAVE taken my foot off the pedal.

I AM losing focus.

I HAVE been getting lazy, and not weighing my food properly... guestimates are dangerous!

I HAVE been using excuses.. Yes it's raining...so do something else.

I HAVE been having cravings, haven't given in yet, but my resolve is weakening.

I HAVE been thinking, this is getting too hard...

My weigh in this Wednesday was 86.5, only a 700g loss... an I am only just getting around to telling you.

I am seriously  worried about next weeks weigh-in.

Michelle's Mindset lesson this week, was all about self sabotage. She asked us to really think about weather we do lay traps for us to fall into, weather we are truly a 'self saboteur'  or if we just haven't learned all the tools we need to succeed.

She said real self sabotage comes from a dark place, from a real deep down internal dialogue, where I didn't really ever believe it could do this, where deep down I believe I am useless, fat, lazy and pathetic...  Well I do think I am a self saboteur .  I really really do want this dream, but I do believe that deep down my true feelings, and beliefs are that I'm never going to be that person that I dream of.

So I need to do some work to change that... I think I have made huge improvements, but I am not sure I have won the battle yet. It comes down to a choice... do I choose to be Healthy, Thin, Active, and do what it takes to be that?  or do I choose to accept my over-weight, and accept the health implications that go along with it, and choose to be happy with that?

Well I choose happy and healthy... I accept that there are going to hard times, I accept that some days will be better than others, and i resolve that a bad day will not knock me off the wagon for good. 

So Michelle's tip was to have a positive 'self worth' bank balance.  Spend time on those things that make you feel good, Music, Dancing, a bubble bath,... make deposits to your self worth bank balance!, and stay away from those who constantly make with withdrawals.

I must admit I have been struggling with my time management, and planning.  I feel like I haven't had 5 minutes to myself.. Getting up at 5.15 to walk to work, working all day, coming home and straight to another exercise on Mon, Tues and Fri,  leaving only Wed and Thurs night to even see my kids.  Need to get to bed reasonably early, got to wash and dry my exercise gear, pack my bag and have my lunch prepared before I can go to bed... I'm exhausted.  And I feel like I haven't had any time at all to plan properly, or spend any time on making deposits to my self worth.  

The weekends have been full of SSS training sessions, athletics carnivals and birthdays, this upcoming one is no exception.   Saturday morning is going to be my time... I am hoping the weather is fine, because I want to challenge myself to see if I can run a lap of the lake....I CAN, and this will be a huge deposit

I seem to be waffling now, but I think I gotten to the bottom of this.

I think I was a self saboteur, but I CHOOSE to be healthy, and I will start to do things for myself that will increase my self-worth and start making me believe that I CAN DO THIS, and I WANT TO DO THIS.

Celebrate...Overweight!

Well it's Wednesday... so you know what that means...
Wed = Wake, Wee & Weigh in 


So today marks an important milestone, and a goal or two achieved.
Today I officially entered the Overweight zone, on the BMI Scale.
I am no longer Obese! And extremely happy with that.

My BMI is now 29.8

BMI Categories:

Underweight = <18.5

Normal weight = 18.5–24.9

Overweight = 25–29.9

Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Looking at my mini goals, I have achieved a few now, but have more exciting ones ahead.

Lets see how far I've come!

Today is the day that I have taken my Official Before shots for the" Before and After" photo part of the 12 week body transformation challenge.
I'm not going to post them here..yet, I will post them when I have the afters to compare with.  (they are also Bra & undies shots, so I need to build up some courage to get to revealing those).
I have to say that taking the pics (with the help of my hubby) was not as traumatic as I expected.  The pics weren't has horrific as I anticipated, and I am starting to see how far I have come.
Here are a couple of the non-official before shots (with clothing) that I am using to try and see how far I've come already.

Christmas 2010 ... its a photo of a photo.

May 2011 on a trip back to NZ, .. don't I look miserable.

November 2011...
at this point I was happy to be back in those  cargo shorts,
but  its really  not a good look.

It's funny, I can see when other people have lost weight, but can't really see it on myself. I am getting daily comments from people stating the fact, and it's hard for me to smile and say thanks, when I don't really believe it.. but you know today, I am starting to believe it. 
The process of getting in my underwear and documenting my current body shape, weight and measurements spurred on a few more tests, the results of which I will show you here and now.

These shorts were super tight on this holiday in 2010, 

And in Dec 2011, I was pleased that they were looser..but  it's still not a good look.

Here are the same shorts today.

Here are the grey pants my Mum bought me on one of her visits, these were my staple work pants, fit nicely for ages, and then started getting tight...

May 2011

The same pants today... didn't need to undo the zip to put them on.

Joe then had the bright idea to try on my jeans... I mean THE JEANS, the Levis that have been in my cupboard for 10 years, that I have always wanted to get back into.  I tried them a few weeks back and couldn't get them up over my butt, let alone done up... so I said "no, they are a long way off yet"

... his response.. "humour me!", so I did and ...

THEY FIT!! 

and check out that smile on my face.

So over the course of writing todays blog, I am pleased to say I CAN SEE IT!

Todays weight and measurements  (to compare with pre-preseason)

Weight: 88.1kg

Chest: 107cm

Waist: 96cm

Hips: 116cm

Upper Thigh:66cm

Arm: 34cm

BMI: 30.1 Obese

Since Preseason started, I have lost 4.9kg, and at least 10 cm, and reduced my BMI by 1.7

Since I started this journey in August 2011, I have lost 11.8kg 

Secret Women's Business

**WARNING** If you are male, and do not want to read about specific women's health issues, I suggest you stop now..just saying!


Well it's weigh in wednesday... and I am up 300g.  I am not happy about it, as you would expect.


I am however realistic, you see I have my period, and I was half expecting it.  I have always believed that you weigh more at that time of the month, but I didn't know if it was a myth or reality.  Some extensive Googling this morning has shown that on average women can weigh 3-5lb heavier (thats 1.3kg - 2.2kg for those of us in the lands down under) so I am starting to feel a lot better about  only 300g.  

I have not, however, been able to find any Google evidence that this month everything is more severe, the pain, the flow, the inconvenience, because last night was the full moon.  I have had 3 days of hardly anything, then it really hit yesterday, and last night was the stuff nightmares are made of. So bad that I was up 3-4 times, and had a complete outfit change at 4am.  I have called in sick to work today... mainly due to lack of sleep and cramping pains.  I haven't had to do that in years!  
This period is also interfering with my workouts... I missed zumba last night, and my walk this morning. I'm trying to rationalise it... Is it because I feel unsafe.. I mean what if I overflow in the middle of it! Or is it because the pain just drains you of your energy? or was I simply using it as an excuse?  I am feeling guilty for not going to work today, I am also feeling guilty for not exercising last night or this morning... but you know, sometimes you have to give yourself a break, and today is one of those times.  
And today is one of those days when I am getting out my Piece of String and I am very happy to say that my piece of string is now 4 cm longer than it was before.... LOL, it's obvious I can't quite believe my waist circumference is 4cm less, so I say the string is longer!  I did not quite expect to have the string feel that much looser in 24 days.

The Pin is where my waist now ends! 95cm.

I am going to use today, (after I catch up on the lost sleep, and get this pain under control) to catch up on my Michelle Bridges homework.  
Since the say it out loud (emotional breakdown) task, we have been given the 'Kitchen Makeover' task, and the 'Organise and Diarise' task... and I haven't done either yet. Gulp! ....I feel another blog post coming on.
Final Pre-season task of 'Measure up' opens tomorrow, and we get our grocery lists too.   (this shit is getting real, and I am a bit terrified)