You're Fired!

Well, I am here to Fess Up, and tell you that all the things I said I was going to do.... I didn't do.
and as usual I started with the berating of myself, the "You're Useless", "You never follow through" blah blah blah, makes me feel worse and less inclined to actually get back on track.  Why do I always let myself down?
I mentioned in a previous post that I have recently started a new job, and my new boss is so inspiring. She is super-fit  and healthy.  We often talk about healthy eating and exercise, and I feel so inspired, and although we do both succumb to the very occasional 3pm sweetfix (ok for her its very occasional, for me a bit more often) in general terms she is a very good influence on me.
We were joking the other day how we could include weigh in results in my KPI's, because I am very conscientious at work, a perfectionist, and if my 'Boss' wants me to do something, I would do it, and do it well.... Obviously it would not be acceptable by our Human Resources department to actually do this (... I mean what workplace would judge your performance on how much you weigh?), but it got me thinking about how I will do whatever if takes to avoid letting down my boss, but I don't bat an eyelid to let myself down, time and time again.

I have realised that if I was the boss of me (erm, excuse me what? I am the boss of me) and I had hired myself to take care of this very important project (my health and body) and I (employee) had made excuses, not turned up when I said I would, made a half-assed effort, cheated, played on Facebook when I should be working, and basically not done anything that was expected of me, then I have no doubt that I would have fired me by now!

I need to start looking at my personal life as a business, or at least a workplace. I am in the business of getting fit and healthy, and I am working on myself  The results are easy to measure, and even though the results are their own reward, maybe I do need to 'pay' myself when goals are achieved.  I don't get to go to the movies until I have done my work.
Essentially what I need to do is consider myself self-employed in all hours that I am not at work, and hold myself accountable for what happens in those hours.
It means I have to embrace my split personality more, Healthy me is the Boss of Unhealthy me, and I have drawn up a contract with myself to outline what is expected.
Now, as a Boss I am aware that I need to grow and develop my employee, she is not going to know how to do everything straight off the bat, she needs clear guidelines, appropriate coaching and support, and all the tools she needs to succeed.

As with a new employee, or an employee on a performance management plan - which is more of what we are dealing with here - it is important to clearly state what is required, by when, and what the consequences will be if these goals and deadlines are not met.  To start with we will have short contract terms, 'review periods' so that we can monitor the progress.
I don't intend to micro-manage my employee, I will meet weekly to discuss performance, results, issues that occurred  and to set the new goals for the upcoming week.
We will set the initial 'probation period' of  6 weeks.  My Contract with myself is now written and signed, and you can view it here.

Well my new job being responsible for this body starts tomorrow, better go and get prepared. 

Did I say New Years Resolution?

Well if I did, I'm now 6 days in and have not been perfect. (Perfect was never the goal remember, just better - improved - Swap it not Stop it).
To be completely honest, i never actually intended to start this until January 7th, for 2 reasons... we have had family visiting, and they leave for home on the 7th, so we have been having a lot of lunches and dinners out, plus TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!, so I had to have cake! (See in essence today is the 'New Year' for me)

Yes that's right folks, its been a whole year since the Latin themed 40th Bash, and I am now 41 (and at the time of writing still deciding whether to adjust the name of the blog to suit). Right now I am sitting here with my belly so jammed packed with the massive lunch today, no need for dinner.
I have one more day off before I head back to work, and back to the old routine....errrr, actually the old routine for the past few months was bad, so its back to work and a NEW ROUTINE.

Tonight I will be planning, and organising my days ahead to make sure I get through as easily as possible.
First on the agenda is FINDING A GYM.
I have decided that the time has come to become a Gym Bunny again. I realised I was spending $16-$20 a week for 2 exercise classes, and as good as they are, it seems more logical to pay $15-$20 a week for unlimited classes, plus treadmills/bikes/cross-trainers on tap.
I've been checking out the options - What I need is a Gym - Close to home or, with lots of classes, with long opening hours, preferably without a 'lock in' contract, not to overcrowded, a good atmosphere, and ideally a pool as well.... and I can tell you, this does not exist.
The gyms really close to home are 24 hour Gyms, without classes.  The next closest is Goodlife, a nationwide chain, with good hours, and a lot of classes, and priced between $17-$25 per week, the cheapest being a 12 month contract for one branch only, the dearest being a flexi-contract for all clubs in the chain.  I have been to this Gym before and the classes were always really busy/crowded.
Another option is half way between work and home, which is handy because I will be primarily visiting before or after work. Looking at the class schedule, there are almost twice as many class options in the time frames I can go (before work, after work, and weekends), and I have heard that the pricing is $15 pw, two month contract. I haven't experienced it myself, and have both positive and negative feedback from friends, but this is looking like the front runner right now.
Then there is another option, further out of my way, not as many classes, but it does include a pool.  No pricing information on the website... will have to find out more.
Anyway my point is that I really won't know which gym is right for me until I go and try them out myself... and as luck would have it there is a great website called Gym Link where you can download free trial passes for most gyms, so that is what I am going to do.
I'm going to try these gyms (and suffer through the pushy sales pitches) until I find the right fit for me.

As luck would have it, as I was researching Gyms, and checking out their respective facebook profiles, when  I saw that a friend of mine liked a page for a new local Chicks Cross Fit Class.  They had on offer a 7 day trial pass for $7, and I have paid my $7 and booked in for 3 sessions... GULP.   I am quite petrified about this but I am serious about completing this journey so I am going to give it all I have, (for at least 3 sessions anyway).

On a side note, my parents have been here on holiday,(my first Christmas and Birthday with them in 7 years), and the other day my Husband asked my Father what he had enjoyed most on his holiday so far, and he said that it was seeing me so happy and healthy!... that made my spirit sing, and guess what... He aint seen nothin' yet!

I'm Back

Well, firstly I'm guessing you have fallen off your chair with shock that there is a new post in this blog that has been laying dormant since October, and if you have, I don't blame you.

I'll be honest, I haven't blogged because I fell off the wagon, and now that it is the New Year, and one year since this journey began, I thought I had better get back on the horse!

My reasons (excuses) for falling off the wagon? - Really only one. I started a New Job in April, and the weight loss successes slowly came to a halt. I hated the job, it was stressful, and I regretted taking it, and I ate my way through the emotions of self pity. I was always tried and grumpy when I got home (so could not / did not exercise) and was too tired to get up early... Blah Blah Blah, all EXCUSES I know, but they did feel like valid reasons at the time. I really lost myself, that woman I had fought so hard to bring to life was disappearing, and the old one was returning.
2 weeks before the Christmas break I started a new job, which I LOVE and I am starting to find myself again.

The Bad News is that I have put some weight back on, the Good News is its only a third of what I lost.

So here we go again... starting over,new year, new focus, new goals, and the return if the new me.
The facts... I started at 99.9kg this time last year, and got down to 79.2kg. A total loss of 20.7kg.  Weigh in on Wednesday had me at 86.9 a re-gain of 7.7kg.  It could have been a whole lot worse, and it would be if didn't pull myself into line now.

My plan this year is to get back to basics. I'm trying to eat 'Paleo' (aka Caveman Diet, Stone Age Diet, Hunter Gatherer Diet) In essence I am trying to eat like a caveman would have; Fruit, Vegetables, Nuts, Seeds, Meat, Fish, Poultry, eggs, -  trying to steer clear of anything processed.

 I do, however,  live in the real world, and although I will try to go organic where I can, or try to not eat anything that comes in a can, or from a factory,  I am  realistic and know that personally I would not be able to sustain this type of diet when I consider that I have a family to feed, and budgets to stick to.  
So in conjunction with this I will be following the advice of Jon Gabriel www.thegabrielmethod.com, who similarly believes we need to eat like our ancestors, with natural unprocessed foods, but also believes that as long as you are fuelling your body with all the nutrients it needs, it will be 'satisfied' and not have the need to store fat.  Basically when we are missing anything essential from our diets, the body 'thinks' its starving, and stores fat.
I will also be taking the advice of Phil Clayton, former Iron Man Champion and current coach and mentor, who came to speak to us at work as part of our 'Be Well' program. He recommends cutting out as many chemicals as we can in our lives, and choosing organic options and using natural ingredients. The modern diet consists of foods made in labs rather than grown in gardens, and the human race is the unhealthiest it has ever been.  He believes in the 'Phil'osophy, (excuse the pun) of 'Swap it, don't Stop it' like the Australian Govt Campaign, meaning to make small changes in your lifestyle so that you can maintain them long term. Drastic huge life changes will make you feel deprived and be harder to stick to.

 One small change I intend to make is tied into when I am unable to sustain Paleo eating. I am going to eliminate WHITE. If its not naturally white, and it is white, then it has been bleached.  Bleach = Chemical.
So IF...When I do eat Bread, Rice or Pasta, I will be choosing Wholegrain, or Brown.
I will be trying to cut out sugar, but I do expect the odd slip up here and there on this one, and if I do need a sweet fix, I will try to opt for something naturally sweetened.  I have read that artificial sweeteners, although containing no calories, actually make your body crave fatty foods, and besides artificial sweeteners are chemicals.

I am not going to spend any money 'signing up' to healthy eating programs, or pay for diet advice. There is plenty of this available on the web for free.
I personally love the new Special K campaign.  I won't be eating Special K often (as its processed) but the new campaign focuses on what you have to GAIN by eating healthy, rather than what weight you want to LOSE. I love this! In all other aspects of the word Gaining in preferable to Losing, except weightloss. In weightloss, a GAIN is terrible thing. For someone like me who believes in trying to focus on positive, I don't like to be verbalising loss all the time, so to switch it up and focus on what you gain from a healthy diet is so refreshing.

I want to gain Health, Strength, Confidence, Fitness, Pride, and a lot of Participation medals from Fun Runs, Obstacle Courses and Half Marathons. 

So there it is folks, my intentions, my New Year Resolutions.... I also resolve to blog regularly to keep myself accountable.

Spring, Sunshine and Superfoods.

Here in Australia, it's Spring - only 9 more days and we're halfway through Spring I've been told (My Daughter's birthday falls on the same day).
Today was a brilliant day... Heat wave almost, and we spent the day in the Sunshine and Water.  I'm still coming to terms with the smaller version of me walking around the water park, and feeling confident, and climbing masses of stairs with a ride tube above my head without almost dying.  My kids enjoying the fact that I riding the slides with them, and not sitting on the sidelines like I used to.  
Today just felt like happiness.  I can't ask for more than that!

The other thing I wanted to write about today was Superfoods. About a year ago, I was lucky enough to go to a Superfoods seminar, and it really opened my eyes to some amazing foods that I previously didn't know existed.   Superfoods is a buzz-word that has been around since the 90's and was sort of synonymous with new age hippie types. The foods themselves were only found in health food stores and the like, but in the past few years these superfoods have begun to find their way on to the regular family dinner table.. including mine. So what makes a superfood? What Criteria are we looking at?

Essentially a Superfood :

• is Especially potent in Nutritional Value - being high in antioxidants, and essential nutrients that our bodies can't produce.   
• has Health benefits like lowering cholesterol, and blood pressure, preventing cancer and heart disease, protecting the organs from toxins and helping to regulate metabolism and reduce body fat.

There is no official list of Superfoods, (so beware of marketing of products using the term without evidence to back up the claims), however many of the superfoods on the 'unofficial' list are already regulars on most families shopping lists, like Tomatoes, Brazil Nuts, Berries, Broccoli, Natural Yoghurt, and Tea. 

Anyway, this little seminar I attended was run by Ronaldo Fulieri, and with his enthusiastic Brazillian flavour, he inspired me to try a couple new 'Superfoods', which I am happy to say have been staples in my kitchen ever since.

QUINOA (pronounced keen-wah),

No longer just in Health Stores

The small grain like seed before its cooked

Quinoa is a grain-like edible seed, high in protein, dietry fibre, phosphorous, magnesium and iron, and is gluten free. 
You cook it sort of like rice or couscous... 1 part Quinoa to 2 parts liquid (water or for extra flavour try Chicken Stock).  Bring it to the boil, and then slowly simmer until the little tails come out. You can also microwave if you prefer!
Then add whatever you like, finely chopped onion, tomato... whatever you like the taste of, and voila! Quinoa Salad!

I have also recently been collecting recipes for Quinoa Porridge, Quinoa patties, even quinoa crumble, and I'm slowly trying them all.

CHIA SEEDS (pronounced chee-ya)

Chia seeds contain protein, essential fats, dietary fibre, phosphorus, manganese, calcium, potassium and sodium. 

Super easy to use... simply sprinkle a pinch of the tiny seeds into anything from a stirfry to a casserole. Add to baking or sauces by making chia paste first, which is adding a spoonful of chia to water and leave to form a gel like substance.  Such an easy way to add masses of nutrients to your diet.

Chia Seeds - so easy

ACAI BERRIES (pronounced as-eye-ee) and KALE

My next goals for Superfoods is to introduce these two into my diet. I have been seeing all about these just about every where I look recently, and the health benefits sound amazing.  I am yet to find these on my local supermarket shelves so I am thinking a trip to Mrs Flannerys is in order.

I'll let you know the verdict! and I would love to hear your tips.

Go Jump off a Cliff!

Seriously... Do it!
If you are anything like me, you will shake, almost cry, freak out, get over it (the edge and the fear) then cruise to the bottom, because you don't know how to stop!  
If you haven't guessed yet, today I went abseiling. 

This is not me - I didn't have my camera when doing it...

The last time I did it was approximately 29 years ago, at Form 1 camp ( I think - my memory isn't what it used to be, but it was about then) same age as my eldest daughter is now.  
If I had been like she is, I would have wholeheartedly thrown myself into the challenge and tackled the fear head on, but no.. I avoided it, cried, tried to quit, and eventually realised that they were not going to let us out of it, so I did it... and from what I remember I actually enjoyed it. 

For years I have said that I'd like to do it again, but it took until today to make it happen.   A few weeks ago I saw a scoopon deal for abseiling (with instruction  for $19 (normally $39) and with only a few hours to grab the deal, I bit the bullet.  Well ok, I first had to coerce another crazy fool to come with me... Cass agreed, and we booked in with RiverLife to walk over the edge of a cliff at Kangaroo Point.

I need to point out that I have a fear of heights, actually that is not technically correct, I actually have a fear of edges... that fear gets worse the higher I get, but essentially I don't like edges even a foot off the ground.
My children enjoy torturing me when we walk to the end of piers or jetties, when I walk smack down the middle, don't go near the edge, and freak out when they do.  If I get to the edge, I get vertigo, get shaky... you get the picture. So why oh why am I now going to lower myself over the edge of a cliff?... Feel the fear, and do it anyway.  My new mantra to make sure that I no longer deprive myself of experiences, just because I'm scared.

So today was the day, we travelled over an hour by train and foot to get there, and we were surprisingly calm, even after climbing the hundreds of butt-screaming stairs to get to the top of the cliff, and still when standing at the top of the cliff with harnesses and hardhats on.  We learn how to hold the rope behind our backs as the brake, and to bring it out to the side for the accelerator...seems simple enough.
We split into two groups and we watch the first girl go (first timer, a little nervous, but no problems). Then we turn around to see the other group with the first guy over the edge with his feet i the air!  How the hell...? Oh great, this does not instil great confidence.


Anyway back to my group, 2nd one to go, a cocky know-it-all guy who has obviously done it before leapt of the edge and was at the bottom in seconds flat... shit, that means my turn is closer.  Next guy goes, newbie, no probs.
Next girl, she's nervous... phew, I think... I will be better than that, I don't even feel nervous. 
Then its Cass's turn. I watch her heart rate monitor jump from 94 to 140 in the seconds when she climbs over the railing and walks out to the edge (Safety harness attached of course). 

She looks anxious, a bit grey in the face, and she looks at me with a look to say "you got me into this"... and over the edge she goes.

Oh god, now its me. Stepping over the railing, and out to the edge was hard. I held on tight, and Proud (the instructor - yep thats his name) could obviously see i was already struggling.  He reminded me to breathe, reminded me that I was attached to him, and that he had the other rope that could take control if necessary. "Now just slowly walk backwards towards the edge"... Shuffle, shuffle... I'm staunch, I can do this...."bit more, bit more, lean back, right on your toes, bit more"... Oh God, this rope won't hold me, I'm going to slip and fall face first into the rock... I looked him in the eye, and said "I'm Scared". 
Then I leaned back, lowered my butt until i was almost horizontal.  That is by far the hardest part, having to let all your weight go on that rope. I stopped thinking and just listened to his instructions, and "there you go" he said,  "Rock and Roll", one step then another.

But I did have my camera after and took this shot afterwards

Once I got moving it was actually quite easy, but halfway down I realised that no matter how hard i squeezed that rope, and tried to pull it behind my back to brake and slow down, I couldn't get my arm back there. I wasn't going too fast, but a part of me wanted to stop for a second and refocus, but because I couldn't figure out how to stop, I decided to just go with it, and actually started pushing off the wall and swinging out a bit, like what the real abseilers do... yeah, yeah, I probably felt like that, when in reality it probably wasn't like that at all. 

And there I was, at the bottom. Only seconds after finally getting over the edge, I was at the bottom. 
The muscles in my right arm were screaming, from the intense grip I had been using, and my legs were shaking, but most of all the feeling of 'I did it and I did it without a fuss' was enveloping me, and I was so proud of myself. 

We could have climbed the stairs for another go, but both Cass and I agreed that once was enough. It was far scarier than I expected, and I still did it. 
Now, 8 hours later, I'm wishing I had had that second go... isn't hindsight wonderful, and just like with childbirth, I've forgotten that terror I felt, and looking forward to the next time. 

Anyway, while there are a lot of the goals that I set earlier in the year that I haven't achieved, I can proudly say that I have achieved this one. 
And you know what... if my Mother now says "If all your friends were jumping of a cliff, would you?"... I would probably say "YES!!"

How to be a Quitter

Yes Boys and Girls, todays talk is about how to be a quitter.
You see, I'm an expert at it, always have been. As a kid I quit piano, ballet, netball... the list goes on. I just don't seem to have that that inner spark that says when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Today I was doing parkrun and I quit. I hurt my hip halfway through and rather than saying "ok, won't be a best time, I'm in a bit of pain, but I can walk to the end"... yeah rather than that...I quit.

And it started me thinking...why am I so good at quitting?  What is it about me that chooses to give up, rather than battling through when things get hard?  I mean I know I can persevere... I was in far more pain during the Mothers Day classic 8km, and I kept going. I think maybe it hinges on how much I have invested... I mean I paid to enter the Mothers Day Classic, and I had my family at the finish line cheering me on... I had to finish. Today, ParkRun is free, my daughter was running with me (and way ahead) and really the only one I was letting down was me... so I did.  

And there we have it.  I won't let other people down, but I will let myself down time and time again.  Why do I not have the self worth to not want to let myself down?

Looking at my three children, I have two that are like me... will look for any excuse, find the easy way out, give up when it gets hard, ... and I have one who is self motivated, hardworking, and won't quit - even when she wants to.  She must take after her father.  
I don't know if Quitting is genetic (I can't find any evidence to support that it is - and I spent a whole 4 mins googling it before I quit searching) or if a quitters mentality comes from environmental factors... You know, Shit happens when you are a kid, that makes you not have belief in yourself, and because you don't have that self worth, you don't think you are worth that extra commitment, you let yourself down so you can say ...see I am worthless after all!  

I think its a bit of both.

So we have established that I am very good at quitting, however events of the past year have also proven that I can do more than I ever thought I could.  It appears that unbeknownst to me, I have slowly been making deposits into my Self Worth Bank, and I have discovered that maybe, just maybe, I don't want to let myself down any more.  Maybe I want to quit quitting.

Quitting, or being a quitter, has such a negative connotation, but as addicts know, sometimes quitting is the hard thing to do.
I was a smoker once, years ago, not for very long compared to alot of smokers I know, but I was smoking enough for it to be a problem... and then I quit.
I quit easy. It was easy because I had a reason to, a reason that I wanted more than I wanted to smoke.  That reason was singing. I had been asked to join a band, and I knew that I couldn't get through a night of singing and dancing in the audience without losing my voice, so I needed to make sure I had a voice. I came down to singing or smoking, I chose singing. End of story.

So quitting can be a good thing, and seeing as I am an expert at it, I am going on a quitting spree.

With the help of Google, and my supporters, I am going to find out how to be a quitter, find out tips and strategies on how to quit effectively, and I am going to quit the following things :

• Quitting
• Making Excuses
• Sugar
• Soft Drink
• Feeling sorry for myself

... BECAUSE WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING!  and I have decided that I am tough enough... after all I plan to do Tough Mudder next year, can't get any tougher than that.

I found an exercise to start with http://www.yournewblueprint.com/Roland/kick-the-quitter-out-your-life/

and I am writing a letter to my quitter inside, and kicking her butt to the kerb.

I am going to 'invest' in a quit sugar book and start on the quest today!

Accountable

So I have to show you how I am I doing on my small changes that I blogged about a few days ago.

Yesterday and today I have had a good nutritious breakfast BEFORE leaving for work.  I have drunk 3 litres of water a day (... and needed to pee every hour!!) and I went for a run yesterday morning! - Here comes the accountable bit ... I DIDN'T run this morning.. in my defense... oh alright!... my pathetic excuse was that I had a really bad nights sleep.
HOWEVER in addition to that I did do a 2 hour Kickboxing class last night, including 50.. YES 50! throw downs (in a row without stopping, but including a excruciating cry of pain during the last 3).

I have also been 'swapping' the lift for the stairs at work. 6 flights, and it doesn't matter how often I do it, the first three flights are "pfft, easy", and the burn starts on the transition between 3 and 4, and by the 6th I'm dying.

A Healthy Lunch

2 of these a day!

The stairs to my office

I recorded a little message while running ... If you can't understand me it's cos I was whispering so the other walkers didn't think I was talking to myself! LOL.  I said "I'm up, I'm running, I'm doing it" , "Check out this beautiful view" and "See ya"

Heading out to Park Run in the morning, knowing that my personal best time is not at risk of being set, but I'm going to do the best I can. Also planning a trip to the farmers market on Sunday, and some bulk cooking to prep some healthy meals for the week ahead. 

As of this morning I weighed 80.4.... SOOOOOO NOT impressed to see that 8 again.  Weigh in Wednesday, lets see if I can get that 7 back.

Also found a link on Facebook today, that intrigues scares the hell out of me... 

What do you think?? 

Oh and we signed up to do it again...jump through fire, crawl through mud etc

All going well, I will have some time to blog again tomorrow!  See you then.

Back to Basics

Time to Fess Up! 
Time to admit that I haven't been blogging about weight loss, because I haven't been losing weight... in fact I have reverted back to my old habits, and if I keep it up I will revert back to where I started and I am not about to let that happen.

So at least 15 times I have started over, and not got to the end of the day before I have fallen off the wagon. I'm so frustrated with myself, and today was a particularly bad 'binge' day so I need to start again, again.  Obviously its not as easy this time around. The reasons excuses I have been using are - Its so cold, I'll wait until Spring (**excuse me, Spring started 19 days ago**),  Work has been getting me down, and I am eating through my emotions (**true, but lets find an alternative coping strategy**), I'm too tired - hitting snooze too many times in the morning... and the list goes on. I have lost my Just Do It mantra.

So what do I do to get back on track?

I think I need to :
Start small..Baby steps, and slowly build up momentum
Be accountable - Tell you what I have planned and own up if I don't do it
Go through the mind exercises again - Get real, Plan, and Set Goals.

So here we go -
Tomorrow I plan to start on the basics
WATER - Drink 2 litres (I didn't have any water today, or yesterday)
RUN - a morning run before work. If I leave by 6am, I am back by 6.45 and still have at least an hour before I need to leave for work,
BREAKFAST - Non-negotiable, no more "I'll have it at work", and then getting to 11am before realising I haven't had it.

So that's it! The plan for this week is above, I will check in tomorrow and let you know how it went.

Dedication

Today's post is a dedication more than anything else. 
A personal blog post, that I am willing to open up and share.

23 years ago today I was 17, and numb.
I had been told that my 19 year old boyfriend had been killed in a car accident, only hours after dropping me home. 3am on Saturday 16th September 1989. The crash claimed 2 best friends, and seriously injured 2 more, and the lives of many were changed forever.

After the initial shock, when the numbness wore off and the pain set in, and after the funeral,  I shut down - emotionally. I didn't know how to cope, and I almost checked out myself to try to escape the pain. 

When everyone else appeared to carry on with life, I was walking around with a big hole inside, and I see now that I tried to fill that hole with food.
As painful as that was, for many, many years, I now see how that losing Rob, and finding ways to survive, led me to spirituality, opened my soul up bare and raw, and molded me into the person I am today. 
So after 23 years I have learned to be grateful for that experience, bizarrely grateful for losing him. Because, you know what, I now know that I can survive.  There are other things I have survived, and no doubt more that I will in the future, but today on the Anniversary, I am grateful for having known him, having loved him, and having lost him. 
For years, September 16th made me cry, and now it makes me smile, I never ever thought I would say that, and be at peace with it.

a few weeks before the crash

So on this day, a day that passes every year and I think of Rob, it is opportune for today to be the day that I decide, I promise myself, to learn other ways to cope with pain, and stress.  Get back to meditation, which helped me in the early years, and I have not had time for lately. To write more, journaling/blogging to get it out, before it festers and I need to eat... to move on and start dealing with the other traumas of the past that caused me to get to 100kg, to once and for all allow myself to really 'feel' and not anaesthetise my emotions.

To Rob's family, wherever you are, I'm thinking of you 

Laughter is the Best Medicine

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a zebra in the front seat. "What are you doing with that zebra?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo." The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the zebra again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. 

The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that zebra to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

 

Alright that is a pretty bad joke, and it's not going to have you rolling in the aisles, but if it did, it would be very good for your health.

Last week, my workplace, as part of a company initiative called "Be Well" month, we had a lunchtime seminar with 2 guys from Element X. Former World Iron Man champion Phil Clayton and Athlete Mentor/Manager, Creator of the original Kellogg’s Nutri Grain Series David Simons spoke to us about the best Nutrition to get the most out of our bodies. While this was informative, it was David's talk about Qigong, and focusing on breathing that really interested me. His positive outlook and sense of humour really inspired me - I want to look at my life, and it's challenges with the same fervour that he does. 

He explained that many people do not breath effectively, to really take in the oxygen we need to function properly. He showed us how to exercise our diaphragm through fast short breaths, then showed us how the same muscle movements were gained by laughing. 

It appears that back in the early 1800's Lord Byron knew what he was talking about when he said ... "Always Laugh when you can. It's cheap medicine". 

Probably the most famous case of someone laughing their way to health, is that of Norman Cousins who,  when doctors had given him the news of his impending death, added an extra 10 years to his life by laughing himself back to health.

I'm not sick, but I am not leading the most healthy lifestyle either, and ultimately I have realised that my quest for fitness and health, is really a quest for happiness, and when you think about it, what goes hand in hand with happiness?... LAUGHTER!!

I've done some research and decided I definitely need to laugh more, and this is why:

• Laughter therapy is an excellent aerobic exercise.
• Laughter helps you lose weight. (15 minutes of laughter burns as much as 50 calories).
• Improves breathing (respiration) and blood circulation
• Laughter Improves mood
• Laughter eases anxiety and fear
• Laughter relaxes the body and muscles, and relieves physical tensions for up to 45 mins
• Laughter lowers stress hormones, Boosts the immune system and infection fighting antibodies which improves your resistance to disease.
• Laughter releases endorphins, the body's natural feel good chemical, which can also relieve pain

So, easier said than done. I can't just sit here and make myself laugh, can I?

Well actually, funny thing is I probably can, if I laugh it makes my husband laugh at me, and then I laugh at his laugh, and before we know it we are cracking up at each other and don't even know why... so all I need to do is find a few things to kick start that laughter like :

• Watching the comedy channel
• Watching funny video's on you tube
• Watching my kids play stupid games
• Get out and do fun activities
• Spend more time with friends who make me laugh 
• Play games
• Have tickle-fights?

My goal for this coming week is to laugh more. A nice simple goal, one of many that I will be implementing into my life, to help me get closer to finding my authentic self. 

Here is a few to get us started.

What a difference a year makes.

Last September I weighed 98.5kg, and was an inactive unenthusiastic lump.
If you have been following my blog, you will know that a lot has changed since then.
Only 8 days into this September, and I have achieved a couple of amazing things this month alone. 

First of all, my hubby and I went on a 3 night 'Lifestyle' cruise, a cruise to nowhere out of Brisbane. My first cruise, something I had always wanted to do, and it's now ticked off my bucket list (I plan to go on a longer one now I know I can handle my sea legs). The best thing being, the cruise was free... a competition prize I won.  I prefer to think of it as the Universe rewarding me for making such positive changes in my life.

HERE'S TO MY NEW LIFE

SAILING AWAY

WATCHING BEAUTIFUL SUNSETS WITH MY MAN

Now today I ran in "The Stampede" I signed up months ago, as a challenge to myself, and all these months I was secretly packing myself... until today. Today it was truly excitement, not nerves. 

I decided that any obstacle I encountered I would tackle, and I did, every last one of them, from crawling through mud under barbed wire, jumping over burning logs, climbing over a bus, to running through live electrical wires (yes I willingly got zapped by 10,000 volts - and it hurt!) - and that is to name only a few.

No times, no medals... just downright dirty fun, and my goodness was it ever. I am exhausted now, my feet hurt, and I am still finding mud in my hair, ears, and other bodily crevices, and I can't wait to do it again. 

BEFORE

AFTER

The old me would never have had the courage to do this, would never have believed that I could. If I can make such huge changes in a year, I can only imagine what I can achieve in 2 years, or 5 years,
Anyway, September is here, the Sun has decided that our Spring should be more like a Summer, and we are definitely going to make the most of it.

Next big adventure?...I'm booked in to go abseiling on Sept 29th. 

Hibernation

I've gone through this cold miserable winter and have not made any progress on my weight or exercise goals.
While I am disappointed in myself, and used winter as an excuse, it really has been a big factor in my lapse.  I still have the dregs of a cold, and a cough that will not quit! 
However in the past few days, the weather has been absolutely beautiful, and it really feels like winter is over... even though its not officially over until Saturday. 

So Spring's arrival will mean a fresh start.
a group of us 12WBTers who are not re-signing up again (well really after the effort of the past twelve weeks, I wasn't going to let myself sign up again), anyway a group of us are setting ourselves challenges and monitoring our intake and exercise, and hopefully helping each other to stay on track.

However I do have one little obstacle to overcome... I am going on a Cruise on Saturday. Its a 3 nighter, and I won it in a competition, and I am soooo excited, but you know what everyone says about cruises...You come back 5 kgs heavier!

So I fully intend to make good use of the gym, and jogging track,.... and the smorgasbord, and everything will start when we get back. 

Courage, Dreams and Destiny

This post might also be called "My Ramblings" and I apologise in advance, but I had something to get off my chest.

I believe we all have a purpose in life, the reason we're here, the Universe's design for us.  I also believe that as a soul, WE decide on our quest. Before we come to this earth we chose the theme our life will take, this time, last time, next time, every time.
When we arrive here, we are a-new, we've forgotten 'the plan', and it is our purpose in life to find it again. 
Depending on how advanced our soul is, the plan can be simple, or it can be multi-faceted, complex and testing. 
While we search for our plan - our destiny - we can feel lost and unfulfilled, with a knowing that there is more to this life. We could have a yearning, a dream, that we know in our heart and soul that THIS is what I am meant to be.  Problem is many of us get to middle age (Yes I am talking about myself now) and have not followed the plan. We have wandered aimlessly, we have not committed, we have wasted opportunities. We feel like we've been robbed, like somehow we've missed out, and it's too late to ever get there.
I believe I know what my plan is, and despite 'knowing' for a very long time, I am yet to arrive at that destiny. I have blamed circumstances, I have always put others needs before my own, I have always procrastinated, and I have always remained a dreamer. 

Why?

I have asked myself this question many, many times, and what it comes down to is ......

COURAGE! 

Despite the 'Fearless' in the title of my blog (this was named at the start of the mid-life crisis), I have always been the kind of person who didn't want to try something new unless I already knew that I could do it - Afraid of Failure, Afraid of trying.

Case in point: When I was a kid we were on a visit with friends on a farm. My parents wanted me to try to ride a kids motorbike with the other kids. I didn't think I could do it, the machine seemed unpredictable, I was scared of falling, or being hurt, or not being able to control it.  So I used every trick in the book to avoid it, to convince everybody that #1 I didn't want to #2 I wasn't interested #3 I didn't mind not being part of the fun - so I sat there on the sidelines, staunch, and watched everyone else have the time of their lives. What a fool.

Just last week at work we had some Leadership training, and one of our Senior Vice Presidents came to speak to our group.  He spoke about the qualities he thought made a good leader. Among the List... was Courage, and it started this train of thought.

I'm not sure if I ever want to be a leader at work, but in my personal life, as a role model to my kids, and to lead myself to success, I need to find that same courage.
He spoke candidly about his life, growing up as a privileged white kid in South Africa, not understanding or realising apartheid existed. When he reached university, and began to see his country and it's politics for what it was, he realised that could no longer accept it. Eventually he packed up his wife and new baby, left a very good career, and moved to another country. He was down to $50 in the bank before he landed a job in Canada, and it was a really scary time. He was courageous. He took a leap of faith and he looked fear in the face and did what felt right in his heart. 

I related with his story. 
We also had the courage to pack up a young family and move across and ocean, and start again. Like him, we had pretty strong motivation to leave certain elements of our lives behind, but that doesn't make it any less scary to leave behind the stability of a home, jobs and family support. We had the courage to do that, and survived. 

More recently, I have had the courage to leave a job that I had been comfortable doing for years, but had come to feel bored and unfulfilled, and to try something new.  6 months in, I have realised that this is definitely NOT the direction I want to be going, but it has made me focus on what I do want, what my strengths are, and what feels right.  It may be a while before I can move in that direction but at least I am now facing the right way. If I had stayed where I was, I might not ever have known. 

On a smaller scale I have had the courage to try things new, Zumba, 10km runs.... both things that I couldn't do when I started, and that required courage, and now achieved... and check out the countdown for 'The Stampede'.

So I need to reassess what else I have been putting off, and what I might now have courage to do, what is that is holding me back from achieving my dreams.

Speaking of dreams, I had an interesting dream last night. I was in a highrise in Surfers Paradise with my husband, and Cass and John.  We were on the 6th floor, and watching out the window when we could see a Tsunami coming. We held on tight as the wall of water hit the building, but we were safe on our floor... but it was really scary. After the water went down, we ran through the streets trying to get to our children which we knew were on higher ground elsewhere. We ran towards the local RSL or Surf Club, and I turned to look around and lost sight of the others. I was alone. I found the side entrance to the club but the steps where in a spiral, and the steps were too small for my feet, and I kept slipping off. I could not climb the steps no matter how I tried. 
I wasn't distressed, just frustrated.

Weirdly,  My husband also had a dream last night involving stairs. He knew our girls were in trouble, and was trying to get to them, but he couldn't get down the stairs. The stairs were never ending, and he was getting distressed.

Interesting huh?

Having a look at the Dream Dictionary, it's intriguing. Basically, Tidal waves often appear in our dreams when are under a lot of pressure or when significant change is occurring.  If your dream contains a set of stairs then this indicates that you are starting to move towards some clear goals.To see spiral or winding stairs signify growth and/or rebirth.... Interesting how I couldn't climb them. 
Six (6th floor) is indicative of cooperation, balance, tranquility, perfection, warmth, union, marriage, family, and love. Your mental, emotional, and spiritual states are in harmony.

Gives me hope, and courage.