I'm So Lucky

I've been having a little 'feel sorry for myself', stamp my feet cos "It's not Fair" moment, brought on by the fact that some lucky buggar won the $50Million PowerBall lotto last night...and it wasn't me.

I'm driving around in an old dunger of a car, my bank balance is pathetic, we'll probably never own our own house again, I am trying to raise a family on a single salary, my husband, and daughters have health issues, and sometimes it all just feels too much... It's not fair! When is it our turn to have some good luck.

Then I saw this post on Facebook...

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It done stood up and slapped me in the face!  Of course I'm not Unlucky, I don't have to sleep on the streets.

I've been trying to practise the principles of the Law of Attraction, and feel like I have been putting in my order to the Universe, practising gratitude daily on The Grateful List but I'm not sure I really 'got it' until tonight.

I was parked next to my dream car tonight, not some sporty unrealistic car, but my favourite... what I wish I drove, a white BMW X5 (or Audi q7 - I'm not fussy), and I went through the little bargaining, with the Universe,  in my head.

"We really need a new car, I think I am a good person, surely you can see your way to make this happen for us?  That car is top of my list of things I want...."
and I stopped in my tracks! 

The penny dropped...You idiot... No it's not.

The top 5 of 'What you really want', in order of most importance is:

1. For my husband to be healthy again
2. For my children to grow to old age, with a full life of adventure, achievements, love and sensible decisions.
3. to always have a roof over my head, and food on the fridge.
4. to stay happy and healthy myself
5. to travel and see the parts of the world that I have always dreamt of.

A BMW doesn't even register in the big picture.... and this little realisation reminded me of the picture above, and...

PING! Light Bulb Moment.

"Don't complain about your life because you don't have the car or house that you wanted... being unlucky means something else."

I am lucky.

I am lucky to have a husband who adores me.

I am lucky that he has survived some serious close calls, and lived to tell the tale.

I am lucky that my daughters only have a bone disease, and not something that threatens their life on a daily basis.

I am lucky to have given birth to 3 healthy babies.

I am lucky that all my children are smart, and doing well, and get a free education.

I am lucky that we live in a nice 4 bedroom house, near a lake, with water, electricity, and plenty of food.

I am lucky that I have transport.

I am lucky that I have a good job (I may not be enjoying it right now but..) 

I am lucky that I work for an great company with amazing opportunities.

I am lucky that I have wonderful friends that really care about me.

I am lucky to have been born in a wonderful country, and I am lucky that I get to live in another equally wonderful country.

I am lucky to have two arms, legs, eyes and ears that do what they were designed to do.

I am lucky to have loved and lost, so that I learned to appreciate what I have.

I am lucky to have been raised by two loving parents, who demonstrated commitment, taught us values, and showed us how to laugh as a family.

I am lucky to have realised that I don't need riches to feel rich. I have all the riches I need in what is listed above, and more.

Message received, Universe, Loud and Clear.

Breakaway

I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway 

Kelly Clarkson

Well peeps, I'm taking a well deserved week off from work... apparently it's well deserved, so my workmates say... I'm just pleased to be away from that desk -  for 9 whole days it's somebody else's problem.

Anyway I managed to get a last minute timeshare week , 2bedroom apartment at Boambee Beach Resort for $199 (perks of the industry  suppose) and on Saturday we packed up the car and headed off on the 4 hour drive to Coffs Harbour. We couldn't stay the whole week, but decided a long weekend would be enough.

On arrival, I was impressed with the resort. The apartment was roomy, clean, with everything we needed... including the spa bath!

After a quick trip to the local Toormina shopping centre for supplies, followed by a twilight explore of the resort facilities, we settled in to watch the the first night of Olympic competition. 

I got up early-ish (we are on holidays after all) and went for a run, and found myself exploring the picturesque Boambee Creek Reserve.  After breakfast, we headed off to the Coffs Markets, 3 lots on a Sunday.  Not the best markets I have seen, but we did discover Dutch Caramel Waffles... Yum!

At the Jetty Foreshore Markets, Coffs Coast Camels were doing Camel rides for $10, and when Isabella asked if she could have one, I decided that I would too... It was on my Bucket List, and I always imagined doing it somewhere exotic overseas, but I thought... Why not here? Why not now? and why not share it with my daughter. She was quite thrilled to do something special with Mum, and I was quite thrilled that I wasn't worried about being too heavy for them.

After the Markets we went to the Plantation Hotel for $8 lunches, followed by a Baskin Robins Waffle cone, before lumbering back to the resort for a swim.

Trying out my new swimsuit, the pool was heated but still cold, and the spa was warm, but after a while I braved the cold water and did lots of laps.  Another family joined us in the spa, and my husband whispered to me "how does it feel to not be the fat one anymore?".... it felt bloody awesome!

Day 2 we hit our favourite Coffs Harbour attraction, the Pet Porpoise Pool.  Its a small place, but you interact directly with the dolphins. The Dolphins choose to interact with you.  After the show, we just hung around and watched them play, and one dolphin brought his ball to my daughter and threw it at her, wanting to play catch. We stood for the next hour playing ball with Zippy... one of the most rewarding experiences ever.  The girls had been before when they were younger, but I am pleased we took them back now they are older so they can remember it.

The best thing about this holiday for me, was that I got involved.  Rather than sitting on the sidelines watching my family experience things... I WAS DOING IT.  I ran, I swam, I played Tennis, I played basketball, I played Mini Golf, I rode a Camel, I played with a dolphin... and unfortunately I ate a lot of bad food... but that is a different story. 

Wake Up ... and smell the coffee

So here I am feeling sorry for myself, because I think I have failed in this second round of 12WBT, and for those of you who know me, Failure is not something that I like to experience (well who does).  But you know what, a small fail here and there, does not mean that success is now out of the question.   

FALL DOWN 9 TIMES, GET UP 10

I went back to my Pre-Season task of 'Set your goals', and looked at what I wrote in that task about 10 weeks back ...  
I said at one month into the round i wanted to have achieved : A 10km run, to beat my 5km PB, and run under 35mins, and my weight to be 76kg.
I actually achieved all of those before schedule - (my weight is now 77kg, but I did achieve 76kg by the 4 week mark)... WAKE UP MANDY, THAT IS NOT FAILURE.


Right now I am definitely behind schedule to achieve my next lot of goals, my three month goals, but I can do it.... and If I don't, I will pick myself back up, dust myself off and keep going.


This journey is definitely a rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and lows,  successes and failures... but at the end of the ride I will be ecstatic that I did it.


I have done too much, and worked to hard to throw my hands in the air and say 'its too hard, I give up'.   I've done that before, and it doesn't work, I end up back at the start wishing I was where I am now... that is one huge waste of energy.  I just have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, forever.... there is no end, this is a journey to a new life, a new lifestyle, and when I get there the purpose is not to then stop and turn around, but to enjoy the view, and then start the journey to a new more exciting, dream fulfilling destination.

  
I have started this journey before, multiple times, and I always turned back when it got too hard, I have even got this far in the journey at least 3 times, and didn't make it to the end, I can't do it this time, I have to keep moving, I am running out of time.
This time is different though, I must admit. I was talking with Cass last night and we had a little lightbulb moment... the other times were diets, be it weightwatchers or similar, and exercise was the secondary focus. I would exercise to get bonus points etc, but I would never really like it.  

This time, with the 12WBT, I have learned to love exercise, I have changed into someone who has an active life, and the eating is the secondary focus.  I believe this is what will keep me going. If I slip on the eating, but I remain active, I will not relapse like previous efforts, and if I focus on the food as well... well the world is my oyster.

Crikey ... I haven't seen you in a while.

Well, Where have I been?  2 weeks of slience?
Honestly I have been hiding from you.  I have not been prepared to fess up to the total and utter relapse that has occurred.  Crikey, I hadn't seen her for a while ...but the old me is back, the old habits are back, the old lies and excuses and laziness, have snuck up behind me, ambushed me and left me dazed and confused. 
I knew it had happened, I pretended it hadn't by telling myself I'm just taking a break, but now at 6 weeks into my 2nd round of 12WBT I have not progressed any further towards my goal.  Although I am happy to say I have not put on weight, I haven't lost any either, and I have lost my way. 


I'm just sitting here listening to the bullshit I have been telling myself about why I have not done what I said I would. 


Its Winter, It's too cold, dark, wet to get up early to train
I've been too tired to plan, or record correctly 
I haven't had time to prepare healthy food
I've been stressed, so i've been emotional eating
I can't say no when there is all this food around, and it's a special occasion.
I've been sick, and chocolate makes me feels better.


Yep... heard it all before. 23 kilos ago.... so I ask myself this question...

So here I am... frantically searching for Motivation to get back up on my feet, and back on track, the track towards my own finish line. 


So Motivation .... where do you find it?  It's not in the pantry or the fridge (I looked, and while I was there.... *sigh*), and it's not falling on my lap while lying in bed or on the sofa, and believe it or not (and this is a shocker!) it's not on Facebook or Pinterest - although a lot of pages seem to be motivation, but just reading about it doesn't make it happen.


Being so far behind on my Michelle Bridges program, I decided that may be  the best place to start with Week 6's video messages...  and lo and behold this weeks mindset message is about... drum roll please...

I love how Michelle puts it, Motivation is a Crock of sh*t!


Motivation is like a Bad Boyfriend,...
NEVER there when you need it most!


The answer is to not wait for motivation to strike, the answer is to just do it, day in, day out.... CONSISTENCY.  This is what I have lost, and the only way to get that back is to JFDI. 

Here we go folks... 

Zero to 10km in 6months

Who remembers about 6 months ago when I posted a little commitment video on my blog, promising a certain Mrs Cass Thurston that I would run a 10km fun run. I meant it, but I didn't believe it, and today I did it.

I JUST FRICKEN DID IT.

Here is Video of the proof!

I like the fact that this race was on June 30, the last day of the first half of 2012. Because it was on the first day of 2012 that this journey started, and I am pretty damn proud of myself for going from being able to run zilch, to 10km in 6 months... imagine where I could be in another 6, or this time next year.